There's no pain like it, relationship pain. I don't often share about my relationships on my blog because there hasn't much to share. I'm single, not exactly news worthy. I'm picky, which means I'm single for long spouts of time. I'm shy, which means although I'm outgoing on the outside it takes a miracle for me to make the first move. Not exactly a great recipe for relationship success but it's the truth and it's where I'm currently at. 

Recently I decided to open up to someone, let's call her Jane. I don't exactly know what it was about Jane that made me feel secure enough to open up and discuss my emotions but I did. She was gorgeous (body and mind), easy to be around, we had tons in common and I saw an incredible future that most people can only dream about. Can you tell yet I fell and I fell hard for her?

Well fast forward to now, let's keep it real and say, "she just wasn't that into me." It was over before anything ever started. 

This is where this blog starts. How do we recover when we make an emotional connection with someone who doesn't feel the same way? 

I don't have the answer. I have some ideas and I'm here to share them for other men or women who may be going through the same thing. I don't think there is one single answer, just a combination of a bunch of them and the dreaded TIME. 

#1 Re-Focusing. This is probably step ONE for most people. A popular method of distraction from the pain is alcohol and/or drugs. I'm guilty of using my share of the first one however recently I've cut back on this method since it really didn't make any headway towards feeling better. Sure it was a temporary release but the next day I was usually just more depressed then when I started. I needed instead to learn to re-focus my pain.  

My re-focus of choice now is fitness. If you've ever seen my Facebook page you know I'm into fitness. What you don't know is that sometimes my fitness is just a re-focus from emotional pain. It's a way to feel better about myself and make progress towards my goals.

[ACTION] Find a re-focus that's healthy, that keeps you on the path that you ultimately want. My health is important to me, so is finding someone to connect with. Now is not the time for unhealthy habits, fake relationships or loneliness. These decisions will only lead you down a road of more depression and an even deeper hole. It's time to connect with your support circle, continue with your goals and take each day one step at a time. 

#2 Assumptions. This was a hard one at first but I had to ask myself, "Are my assumptions correct?" Yes it's been a while since I've felt this way for someone but does that mean I have to wait a while for it to happen again? Being picky I assumed that it's just harder to meet a person with the traits I'm looking for, but is this really true? 

You see I've been lying to myself and making excuses. Love, deep feelings, etc can happen in a moment. Just because something took a while has nothing to do with when the next person may come along and make you feel the same way. Yes I'm picky but again maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. I'm actually apart of a community of 350,000 people, more then half women, and a majority of those who aren't married or in a relationship have the exact qualities I'm looking for. Why have I been blind to whats right in front of me?  

[ACTION] Think about what you've been assuming. Are the questions you're asking yourself actually true? Or are they just leading you down a path of unhappiness. Fight the urge to prove your past assumptions right here, allow yourself to be wrong and move forward. 

#3 Reflection. Somethings wrong with me not them. Ever feel this way? It's time to change that formula because it's simply wrong. Loving someone is never a bad thing and if that isn't reciprocated it doesn't reflect anything wrong with you. YOU were willing to love. YOU were willing to sacrifice. YOU were willing to try and reach a relationship that could ultimately bring both of you happiness. THEY just didn't want to for whatever reason.

[ACTION] This isn't a blame game and there's nothing wrong with YOU or THEM. This is a trap that's easy to fall into, don't. It just wasn't meant to be.

#4 Learning. For most situations I always ask myself, "What can I learn from this?" It's easy to  answer that question with, "Well Jimmie, don't open up again or you may feel this same pain again." While that's true it doesn't get me anywhere. The truth is it's good to feel this much pain. It means I'm ready for something more. To love and give that much love to someone. Yes the pain sucks but the pain tells me something much deeper. And no your love and time weren't wasted on someone, they were just getting warmed up.  :)

[ACTION] Although this will feel counter intuitive ask yourself, "If my feelings were a gift instead of a pain, what would they be telling me?" 

#5 Release. My friend Mastin Kipp says, "Don't be afraid to feel your feelings." Whether it's a sob session, writing in a journal, talking it out with a friend or a blog like this get it out there. Release those feelings so you can move forward. 

[ACTION] I'm guilty of this but when times get tough in your life this is when you need to move towards your support circle not away. We tend to want to be alone to "figure it out" but this ultimately leads to more pain. Remember you were seeking a deeper connecting with someone else just because it didn't work out doesn't mean you should sever or lose ties to other connections you have. Surround yourself with positivity and share with your friends and family your feelings. 

If you're also going through something like this I invite you to join me. Comment below, what has been working for you or what are your thoughts??? If you've figured some things out share your knowledge with the rest of us.