SO = Significant Other

I posted this image on my Facebook wall and I asked the questions, "What are your thoughts? Do you allow your significant other access to your phone? Do they know your pass-code etc? If so why or why not?"

It was an interesting conversation because I didn't quite get the debate I thought I would. The majority of people agreed that they locked their phones for anti-theft purposes but that their SO knew the pass-code. They also agreed that there wasn't really ever a reason for them to gain access to their SO's phone. Lastly they agreed that if there was enough suspicion to arouse or warrant that type of action than the relationship never lasted anyways.

Then the conversation turned into what I thought was a more interesting conversation...  

Does asking your SO who they're talking/ texting count as snooping? Just as going through their phone without permission count as snooping.

This is where we seemed to get mixed answers.

In my opinion I look at this two ways...

ONE, if you ask them what they're doing on their phone isn't that the same thing? The outcome of snooping without permission and asking is the same; you gain knowledge of what their actions are on their phone. I'm sure the next logical argument would be, "they don't HAVE to tell me, that's the difference, I'm just asking." YEAH RIGHT. Let's be serious, if you ask the question, your SO is almost forced to give up the info because if not they'll definitely be placed under suspicion.

TWO, if you have to ask, then do you really trust them in the first place? I don't believe in 'band-aiding' things in life. What I mean by that is, finding short term solutions to bigger problems. I prefer to dig deep and figure out the reason for the question in the first place so it can be avoided in the future.

Maybe your SO doesn't like the fact that you're not paying attention to them and instead you're on your phone, maybe they really are suspicious of your actions or maybe they're just bored and trying to start a conversation. Regardless of their reasoning you probably made a mistake somewhere before this all happened that you need to look into.


Conclusion
I have seen a number of successful and unsuccessful relationships in my time and the one thing that usually draws the line between the two is COMMUNICATION. If your SO does something that bothers you tell them, regardless if it's their problem or your own. Maybe the two of you can work it out together.

Trust and communication is something earned and worked on. If you find yourself wanting to know what your SO is doing ask yourself why.  If you still can't figure it out, communicate your thoughts with them. Find a solution to this mistrust together so that you can both be more trusting and happy.

Of course to tie this all up into a pretty bow the answer to this question in my opinion is this...

I believe you should not hide your actions on your phone with your SO (minus surprises and such). But, I also believe that there should be enough trust between the two of you that your SO should never go looking or feel the need to be asking.


-->What are your thoughts?  Comment below

Remember when you were a kid and your parents tried teaching you the value in saving money. For some it was a piggy bank and for others is was a full blown savings account. My parents actually did a really good job at teaching me this lesson. When we went to the bank for whatever reason instead of just reviewing their accounts and having me wait in the corner they would have the banker also review my account to see how it was doing. It made me feel a part of the entire process instead of something that only adults do.

Now it's present day and I'm realizing more and more how important the lesson I was learning was and that it doesn't just apply to money. If you've read any of my blog posts you know I love talking about, learning about, and practicing changing habits to achieve long term goals. The more I learn about this subject the more I've come to realize that Life is a Savings Account.


Steven Covey says, "Private victories precede public victories. You can't invert the process anymore than you can harvest a crop before you plant it." To me this means it's the little, seemingly unimportant actions we take everyday that lead to ultimate goals and success. Unfortunately we also grow up around media and brilliant marketing companies who have us believe that we need to make snap decisions in order for success.

We often praise the grand slam hitter in baseball, we fantasize about winning the lottery and we wish we could be in the right spot, for that great opportunity. It's true that the people that this happens to are in the spotlight for a brief moment but what we have to ask ourselves is, where are they now? What kind of longevity do these 'grand' events bring?

Be careful how you save
If small positive habits carried out everyday lead to larger positive outcomes the reverse is true as well. Small bad decisions carried out everyday will lead to large negative outcomes. For example eating a candy bar isn't going to make you fat but, eating one everyday for 10 years will certainly add some weight.

TIP: Garbage in equals garbage out so make sure your daily habits are aligned with your ultimate goals. If they're not, rethink your strategy.

Create multiple Savings Accounts
If you're like me you don't have just one goal. Some of my current goals are to grow my business, maintain my health and read more books. Now I dedicate differing amounts of time to each but for instance I'm not good at sitting still and reading. But the knowledge I gain from reading is invaluable so I know I need to work on it. So I take it in small chunks. I try my best to read for 15-20 min/day which allows me to cover about 15-20 pages/day, therefor I can get through a 300 page book in roughly 15 days. Viola, I'm going through books!

TIP: Imagine for a second if everyday you took 15 minutes to achieve something positive in your life, and did that multiple times a day? Where would you be in 3 months, 6 months or a year? What could you accomplish?

Don't save $10/ week when you can't afford $1
I see people especially in the health & fitness field doing all the time. Inspiration hits like an explosion and they want to get in shape and ripped up. "I can workout and hour a day," "I can eat healthy," and the list goes on. If you're not currently working out or eating right, don't bite off more then you can chew.

TIP: When trying to change a major habit, don't try to change too much too soon. Want to workout for 60 min/day? Start with 15 minutes for 30 days and slowly progress. Let's be serious if you can't handle 15 min/day you'll never make it to 60 minutes.

Then I'll save $20/ week! Still not a good idea
Sometimes good habits, even with good intentions can be overdone. Maybe you accidentally skipped date night with your loved one, so the next day you bought them flowers and took them someplace really special to make up for it. A few months later something comes up again and you repeat this process. How long do you think it's going to take until date night is going to lose it's entire significance?

TIP: It's important to know that in our journey of creating new habits that mistakes and failures will happen and you will fall off course. In this example this couple started out showing each other importance and priority above all else but small changes in plans set them off course.  They tired 'making up' for it by doing more but in doing so something else happened.  A habit was created where their brain said, "it's okay to veer off course because I can always make up for it later," and that attitude is more damaging then anything!

Conclusion
It's time we all wake up and realize there is a formula for SUCCESS and achieving OUR GOALS and it doesn't matter what your goals are.  The formula is simple, small habits made everyday will lead to long term outcomes. Life is a Saving Account, treat it like one.