I was watching the movie The Flight of the Phoenix (2004) the other day and one of the characters said something I'll never forget. He said, "Religion divides people. Belief in something (referring to spirituality) unites them."

Now this isn't a blog about religion or spirituality but that statement got me thinking to how often 'labels' divide us. Think about politics, sexual preferences, food choices, job titles, diseases and the list goes on. We meet someone and right away we begin forming opinions based on these labels. Why do we put ourselves in these little "boxes" as my friend Derek would say?

It's these boxes that end up dividing people. Isn't it more important to unite people?

Have you ever tried your hand at online dating?

For me it's turned up a big fat zero but I know friends who have built successful relationships so I remain hopeful. I'll go through phases of trying it, quitting and trying again but maybe I'm missing something that others seem to know. But this isn't about me. THIS IS FOR THE LADIES OUT THERE.

I've thumbed through my share of photo's online and with aps out there like Tinder, going through people is becoming faster then ever so if you really want to catch a guys attention you need to rethink your photo gallery selection.

That being said I'd like to share with you some major NO NO's I see all the time.  I want to share this because maybe you're an awesome women truly looking for the right guy but you're making some simple mistakes.  

Here We Go...

SO = Significant Other

I posted this image on my Facebook wall and I asked the questions, "What are your thoughts? Do you allow your significant other access to your phone? Do they know your pass-code etc? If so why or why not?"

It was an interesting conversation because I didn't quite get the debate I thought I would. The majority of people agreed that they locked their phones for anti-theft purposes but that their SO knew the pass-code. They also agreed that there wasn't really ever a reason for them to gain access to their SO's phone. Lastly they agreed that if there was enough suspicion to arouse or warrant that type of action than the relationship never lasted anyways.

Then the conversation turned into what I thought was a more interesting conversation...  

Does asking your SO who they're talking/ texting count as snooping? Just as going through their phone without permission count as snooping.

This is where we seemed to get mixed answers.

In my opinion I look at this two ways...

ONE, if you ask them what they're doing on their phone isn't that the same thing? The outcome of snooping without permission and asking is the same; you gain knowledge of what their actions are on their phone. I'm sure the next logical argument would be, "they don't HAVE to tell me, that's the difference, I'm just asking." YEAH RIGHT. Let's be serious, if you ask the question, your SO is almost forced to give up the info because if not they'll definitely be placed under suspicion.

TWO, if you have to ask, then do you really trust them in the first place? I don't believe in 'band-aiding' things in life. What I mean by that is, finding short term solutions to bigger problems. I prefer to dig deep and figure out the reason for the question in the first place so it can be avoided in the future.

Maybe your SO doesn't like the fact that you're not paying attention to them and instead you're on your phone, maybe they really are suspicious of your actions or maybe they're just bored and trying to start a conversation. Regardless of their reasoning you probably made a mistake somewhere before this all happened that you need to look into.


Conclusion
I have seen a number of successful and unsuccessful relationships in my time and the one thing that usually draws the line between the two is COMMUNICATION. If your SO does something that bothers you tell them, regardless if it's their problem or your own. Maybe the two of you can work it out together.

Trust and communication is something earned and worked on. If you find yourself wanting to know what your SO is doing ask yourself why.  If you still can't figure it out, communicate your thoughts with them. Find a solution to this mistrust together so that you can both be more trusting and happy.

Of course to tie this all up into a pretty bow the answer to this question in my opinion is this...

I believe you should not hide your actions on your phone with your SO (minus surprises and such). But, I also believe that there should be enough trust between the two of you that your SO should never go looking or feel the need to be asking.


-->What are your thoughts?  Comment below

Okay Thanksgiving is over, Black Friday is over and Cyber Monday is over.  All the deals are gone and if you didn't get your Christmas shopping done then it's probably on your to do list.  Is the end of November and all of December all about shopping and deals now?  I thought Thanksgiving was about you know... 'giving thanks,' and Christmas (at least for me) was about spending time with loved ones and celebrating the holiday season together.

I admit I do enjoy November because many of my friends partake in the every day in November "I'm thankful for..." post on their Facebook walls.   I also secretly enjoy the hearing about Black Friday craziness that has happened all over the country (ironically happening after Thanksgiving where we all just gave thanks).  I even check out the deals online but rarely ever buy anything.

With all that craziness and even more coming in December it can be hard to 'keep your eye on the prize,' and use what these holidays were meant for in my opinion; removing yourself from the daily stresses of your life and simply being happy and celebrating life.

I have TWO questions for you...

ONE - Giving Thanks and Thanksgiving
Why are you only thankful during November?  Or is it easy to put a 'cap' on the number of thankful posts you are required to do because there are only so many days until Thanksgiving?   Look, I'm not trying to 'knock' anyone who partakes in these posts but why not take it a step further, continue this all year round.

I've learned that in order to create a happier life we must always be giving thanks and praise to the people around us.  If you're not comfortable posting publicly then make sure to contact your friends, family, co-workers, etc every so often and just say thanks!  These actions have actually been proven to help make you a happier less stressful person.

TWO - Shopping and Black Friday
Okay so you've accumulated a bunch of stuff, now what?  Fine if your TV is broken and you want a new one I get it but I think most people just buy stuff to well, just buy stuff.  Is the new TV that's 4 inches bigger making your life any better?  Has waiting outside for hours on end for the latest deals made your life any better?  I can't tell you how often I look around my apartment at 'stuff' that hasn't really added any value to my life.  I mean, I wanted it at the time and now I can't remember why.

Here's my formula for everything I buy now.  I ask myself...
1.  Why am I buying this?
2.  Does this purchase improve my life?
3.  Does this purchase help me achieve my personal goals or dreams?

If I answer 'no' to the last two questions then I rethink why I'm buying whatever it is. This doesn't just work for buying things, it also works for spending you time.  We all complain about not having enough time yet we're constantly wasting it on things that don't matter.  YOUR health, YOUR family and friends, and YOUR dreams matter the most.  Spend your time, money, effort, and love on those items and less on everything else.

Conclusion
I read a quote once that went something like, "on your deathbed you're not gong to have wished you worked more, spent more time on the computer, or watched more TV.  You're going to wish you spent more time with friends and family, tried new things and experienced all that life has to offer."  I'm paraphrasing and adding my own words in but I think you get the point.  Spend your time, money and emotions where it matters the most.

This holiday season I challenge you to step back from the sales, the marketing, the traffic, the lines and all the stresses and think about what really matters the most to you.  Remember to breath when something doesn't go your way and start the New Year off with an entirely new view of the world and what you want to accomplish in it.



P.S. If you liked this post please check out one of my favorite speakers on 'Happiness' Shawn Achor.  He has an amazing TED Talk you can watch which I share with all my friends.  I listen to it about once a month.